Tuesday, July 24, 2018
How to get a husband
How to get a husband
My husband and I are celebrating our fourth anniversary. On the one hand, I cant believe weve been married for four years. On the other, sometimes it seems like weve done as much in four years as we thought wed do in ten.
We started reminiscing about the beginning of our relationship, and I was trying to convince him that this has all been part of a well-laid plan that began almost 11 years ago. He didnt buy it.
Either way, I figured Id share my husband-snagging tips, just in case theyre useful to anyone out there.
1. The first date: make sure its something embarrassing, so that you can both pretend it never happened. Example: Go to Homecoming at age 15 wearing a faux snakeskin dress paired with the ugliest shoes you can find. Its also a good idea to get your purse stuck in the seat belt of your dates moms minivan on the way to the dance forcing you to abandon your emergency lip gloss and other teenage girl essentials.
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| Im not even going to make any excuses for this. |
2. The second date: dont bother with this one. Just stay "friends." Id also recommend getting a job together at, say, a library. Make sure your mother is your secret crushs boss. Nothing like a little preview of what life with the in-laws might be like to make a guy stick around, right?
3. While at this job, try to woo your future spouse with clever techniques like pretending you cant water the houseplants that decorate the bookshelves. I know pouring water out of a jug into a planted pot sounds like a pretty basic skill, but 16-year old girls are apparently incapable of such things. Either that or the only way they know how to flirt is by playing the dumb and helpless routine.
4. Move three thousand miles away from each other to go to college before deciding you actually want to be more than friends.This ensures really good communication so you dont do things like accidentally continue to date other people because you didnt understand that you were actually stepping your relationship up from "just friends" to "100% exclusive" given that you never had a face-to-face conversation about it.
With a foundation like that, how can your relationship be anything but smooth-sailing?
Just a couple years later, we got married.
We got this dog.
We had this baby.
We bought this house.
And, I can tell you with certainty today that I wouldnt change a thing about our lifes story. Its made us who we are, and Im proud of the life weve built together. Four years is just a drop in the bucket compared to the 60 that I hope we have to come.
